Building self-trust in yourself to be successful in business
Is self trust something that is on your wishlist? I know that really probably seems like a strange question, but most of my clients, most of the people who join my Facebook group or connect with me have done enough inner work that they’ve uncovered a lot of their habits and behaviors are driven by a lack of self trust. Hey, it’s Penny here. I hope you’ve had a lovely week. And this is a topic that comes up a lot. Where does self trust come from? Self trust comes from us reinforcing all of our wins, small and big. It also comes from acknowledging when we need to adapt and change course on a previous decision. It includes acknowledging that we have the ability, the awareness, and the intelligence to choose a new path. To make a different decision. Even to walk away from something once we realize that it is no longer something that serves our greatest good, whether it’s in our personal life, our relationships, our business, our career, It’s about appreciating ourselves. Sometimes when I connect with people, even though they’re very successful, they say that they don’t trust themselves, and I’m like, Well, give me an example. And they will say something like, Well, I just never get things right. Of course that leaves me sitting here scratching my head well, “If you never got things right, how are you as successful as you are today?” And it will be, Oh, it was luck. Or I had a business partner, or my parents left me an inheritance. Things along those lines. But it’s ultimately us. That chooses what to do with those things.
[00:03:23] When we lack self trust, there has been some perception in the past, whether it’s accurate or not, the mind doesn’t care about accuracy, it’s just gonna slap a meaning on things. Your subconscious mind puts meaning on things. And it may not always be accurate. It depends on everything that is going on in a situation. To give you an example of someone who there, was a certain career path that they wanted with their life. I don’t wanna go into too much detail, but there was a certain career path that they wanted with their life, and the parents were like, No, no, you can’t do that. You will never make money at that. You can’t do that. You need to go into business. Or, This has been more than one client. One client. It was, you have to be a lawyer or a doctor. Another client. It was, you should be an engineer. So what did they do? They gave up what they wanted to do and they went and they spent all these years in education and then into a job that they absolutely hated. They did their best. They were actually good at it, but they didn’t like it. So here they are. They’ve been told they can never succeed at what they want, and then when they did what they were told to do, after pushing through and committed to something they absolutely did not like or did not care for. It wasn’t that they didn’t succeed at it, but they just literally reached a point where they could not do it anymore. I’ll do a podcast at some point in the future on the impact of choosing a path that’s not aligned with our heart and what that means. But I digress.
[00:05:18] So now they feel like, one, they weren’t intelligent enough to make a decision because their parents told them that what they wanted to do was a poor choice. And so then they did what their parents wanted them to do and they didn’t excel or succeed at it or feel fulfilled, heaven forbid we feel fulfilled, it’s something we absolutely hate. We’re not supposed to feel fulfilled. It’s something we hate. But then when they choose to walk away, now they feel like a failure because they didn’t excel at what they were told should make them happy. What they told should make them financially secure. And it blows my mind at how very good intentions parents have for children can just completely negatively alter the trajectory of their lives. But now here they are. They’ve walked away from this career that they told they should be happy, and then they’re totally lost as to what to. And I’m like, well, what did you wanna do? They told me “Oh, well I wanted to be a writer”. You wanted to be a writer? Oh yes. I always wanted to. Well, why not write? Well you know, they said, you can’t make money at that. And I’m like, Well, says who? Who says you can’t make money at it? One person that I had worked with had had a very specific family member that they were working on a book when they were in college and they adored this family member and says, Oh, well other people can make money writing books, but you’ll never make money writing a book. And we unraveled that belief and things really shifted for her because she had air fingers quote writer’s block up until that point. But what we do is, we’re in this emotional state. We take on what other people are saying, and we hear it often enough that we can doubt our own choices. When we are dealing with someone that we look up to, whether it’s a parent, a teacher, a professor, a mentor, a boss, a coach. When they are telling us that you can’t do it your way, you have to do it my way. And you’re hearing that on repeat, you’re getting reinforcing messages that you cannot make a sound decision. And then when something like this happens, where you’ve gone into this career, now you’re leaving this career and you’re so disconnected from what you actually want, that you can’t trust yourself to know what you want. It really impacts our choices.
[00:08:11] This comes across in other ways as well. I have worked with a client who had built multiple, multi seven figure businesses, and one of those business deals went south, not financially, but in terms of the business relationships. And it ended up that they walked away from their role in that company. They, like anyone who goes into business with other people, there’s a certain level of trust. When you enter into a business partnership or collaboration with someone, you feel like there’s an understanding and we go into those relationships through our own perceptions and interpretations, with our own values, our own ethics. And this person thought they knew who they were dealing with and come to find out it was very much not the case. They shook it off. They moved on until something happened and there was a decision to be made. And just like that, these old feelings came up of what if this happens again? And it just came up out of the blue, like there was no reason for it and it was based purely off of that, event. So it doesn’t necessarily have to be our parents, but we can get into situations where we have a single instance where we are so emotionally, and this is the key word, we are so emotionally bought into something that when it doesn’t work out well, our brain is really going through the emotional consequences of the decision that we made, the situation not working out the way that we wanted in that intense emotional state.
[00:10:17] If we begin to question ourselves in that intense emotional state, the seeds of lack of self trust can be planted and then that voice can come up. Lack of self trust can overlap into imposter syndrome. Not all imposter syndrome is a lack of self-trust, but when you think about it from the perspective that, If we lack self trust, then what’s underneath that lack of self trust is the fear that if we make the wrong decision, there’s going to be an outcome that we don’t like. So that’s the way that those things overlap together. One of the first things to do, just to summarize if you wanna build more self trust, is to celebrate every, when you have big and small, and that doesn’t mean go out and have a glass of wine or pop a cork on a champagne bottle or, if it’s in your means by a Lambo. Right? But mentally, emotionally, acknowledge yourself. Not from an ego perspective, but like, Hey, yeah, I did that. Look, look, we made a great decision. This was a great decision. Look how good this is working out. Oh wow. You know what? Great job catching that. We were able to shift course and avert a potential disaster because we were on top of it. So celebrate yourself. Celebrate yourself.
[00:11:51] And if you’re interested in knowing more about where these seeds of self trust can come from, how this can contribute to your inner voice, and how that can become your inner critic and create fear and self doubt when you least want it needed or expect it, then I want you to join me for Aligned Identity Workshop. Turn your inner voice into your cheerleader. It’s November 1st through the fourth. It’s gonna be four days, 30 to 45 minutes each day, depending on who shows up, who has questions. And I’m going to take you through a deep dive into your identity in a way that you’ve never done it before, and how it all ties into your inner voice, your subconscious, so you can get command of it. And turn that inner voice into your cheerleader. The link is in the show notes to sign up for the masterclass. You do not have to be live. I will be sending you the replays if you’re so inclined. If you’re on Facebook, I know a lot of people aren’t on Facebook, and that’s totally okay. But if you are, you can go to the Facebook group on the path. I go live in the Facebook group once a week. I would love to have you there. Otherwise, I will be back with you here on the podcast next week. Bye now.
The Aligned Identity Workshop: Turn Your Inner Voice Into Your Cheerleader is available here. Sign up and have access to the replays forever.
The workshop replays will be available for a short time in my Facebook Group, On The Path.