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Five tips to support your mental and emotional health

Five tips to support your mental and emotional health

Hello, hello. It is Penny. And I’m here to talk today about mental and emotional health m. And mental and emotional health as a business leader, as an entrepreneur. But this very much applies to everyone. Whether it’s your children, your partner, your employees, when it comes to our mental and emotional health, because we’re all very good at doing, we’re all very good at getting caught up in action taking, many times we don’t recognize that our mind and our body is calling out to us until we really feel it. So for example, probably like many other entrepreneurs, there are times when I’m here in the office. I get head down, I get into flow, and hours and hours can go by and I don’t recognize that all that time has gone by until I have a headache. And that headache is because I am so hungry because I haven’t eaten in six or eight hours. That state, being hungry, which can quite easily become hangry, that impacts our ability to handle stress and things that are going on in our business, in our life mentally and emotionally, because we have taxed our brain to the point from a metabolic standpoint, that it is difficult for us to deal with a stressor or a situation. So now I am much more mindful and I do my best to pay better attention. 

[00:03:01] Now you may say, well, yeah, but you know, I fast. Well, if you’re on a fasting schedule, that’s fine. Your body becomes acclimated to that. But say for instance, you’re someone who grabs a quick breakfast. Maybe you’re having a breakfast of oatmeal and fruit, which even though it has fiber, there’s a lot of, carbs in that. Your body, the way your metabolism works, your blood sugar crashes much more quickly, and it gives you peaks and valleys and it affects your energy, your mental focus. You can have brain fog, nevermind the irritability, and, not able to handle the stressors day to day, but when we are experiencing stress in our business, and I’m even talking about the normalized stress. Daily stress, stress day in and day out, high pressure over commitment, overwhelm, that is not normal. But we normalize it. That’s the culture of business. That paradigm is shifting. It’s changing, but we shouldn’t be in that state every day. We don’t have the opportunity to process our emotions. We don’t have the opportunity to allow our bodies to rest. When our bodies don’t rest, it shortens our mental and emotional bandwidth. I think you can see where I’m going here. 

[00:04:30] Now. one of the things that can create stress, worry, fear in the business is our inner voice. Because there’s some part of us that’s telling us that we have to push that hard. There’s some part of us telling us that we have to go one more minute, one more hour, one more day, before we give ourselves some time off. It’s our inner voice that says, oh, we have to go the extra mile for this client and I have to do it right now. Now that’s not to say that customer service client care is not important. It’s actually very important, but I’ve been there. I know. And I know what some of you are doing when it’s not urgent. You’re making it urgent in your mind. And you’re causing yourself to have to do more and more. Your inner voice is talking you into believing that only you can do a certain task well enough. That if you don’t do it, it’ll take longer if someone else does it. And you’re not able to let go of control in the business, it’s your inner voice. That’s telling you that you have to be super cautious and super afraid of what other people may think. 

[00:05:56] When we can step into this place, where one, we realize that control is an illusion and two, we can accept ourselves for doing our very best and accept that we’re smart enough to know when we need to go out and gather more knowledge, then we can let go of all of that. Now I’m not talking about perfectionism. Perfectionism is, that is just like a total and complete waste of mental, emotional, and physical energy. I’m not talking about the, oh, well, once I, reach this next milestone, it’ll be good enough. Or when I reach the next milestone, it’ll be good enough. No, I’m talking about; you get into a situation. You’re like, oh, you know what? I have a knowledge gap here. Let me fill the knowledge gap. And then I will, I will be ready. That voice in your head is telling you it’s not good enough, people aren’t gonna like it. What if they don’t like the new direction that your company is taking, maybe you bring in a new partner in the company or you sell an equity share, whatever that looks like. It’s important to be aware, and wise, about what you’re doing. But when you are allowing your mind to run your emotions, then it becomes detrimental. And when I say, when you allow your mind to run your emotions, yes. All of our emotions come from our mind. But what I’m saying is when you let your thinking run your emotions, that’s when we get into the weeds of mental and emotional health, because unnecessary fear and worry is caused by our thoughts.

[00:07:50] I had a coach, once, who called it future surfing, living in the future. Right? Most of the things that we get caught up in our head about in the future, most of the things never come true. We are just spinning our wheels and burning our mental, emotional energy. So if you’re finding yourself, getting into worry, getting into fear, getting into doubt, I want you to recognize that is a function of your thoughts and your thinking. It’s not the same as anticipation, if you’re like, well, I have to anticipate what might be coming, well, yes. I mean, you can anticipate next steps, but fear around those next steps, worry and doubt as to whether or not they will be good enough if they will be in place one time, those types of things, you have the capacity and the ability to project timelines, you have the capacity and the ability to develop a plan B. If you’re getting caught up in a situation where you’re thinking, well, I said I was gonna have this out by, I don’t know, let’s say the 21st of the month, and now there’s been some snafu and it takes me till the 23rd. What are people gonna think? Well, you know what? People are gonna think all manner and range of things.

[00:09:12] If you realize that you can’t make a deadline, just own up to it and say, hey, I was expecting to have this to you by this date, whatever the reason is like I underestimated or something unexpected came up, it is taking longer. I will notify you as soon as it’s available. I expect it to be before and then give another projected date. This happened to me just the other day. I led a full day workshop. The videos needed to be edited. And I chose to edit the videos myself, because number one, I was the only person that knew where the timestamps were that the video needed to be cut. And if I had to watch the whole damn thing to find the timestamps, then I may as well clip it, process it and export it because that only takes 10 extra minutes. And something came up on my schedule that was unavoidable, and it delayed my ability to get it out there. And I just sent an email and said, Hey, this is what’s happening. Is it possible that someone was unhappy with that? Absolutely. But it’s better than not saying anything and hoping people don’t notice. And because of the delay, there is a bonus that I’m giving on the back end of that. There is a way to stay in integrity around these things. 

[00:10:39] So when it comes to your mental and emotional health, the most important thing you can do is get present with yourself. Even when you’re busy, head down, be present with yourself, you can be in flow and be aware of your own internal state. At the same time, it takes practice if you’ve never done it before. But you can do it. You can be mindful when you’re in flow and make sure that your body is being taken care of. You can be present and be mindful when you’re in a project with a deadline. And if you’re just going all in, you can be mindful and present and make sure that your needs are being taken care of. If you get completely lost in the weeds, set an alarm, as a reminder to eat lunch. Set a timer, you can get a habit tracker to remind you to drink water, to be healthy. And you may say, well, what does that have to do with mental and emotional health nourishing? Our body has a lot to do with our mental and emotional health, listening to our body exercising, getting outside. I feel like I’ve slipped for a moment back into. Healthcare mode, but that’s totally not the intention of what I’m doing here, but I know that mental and emotional health has become the buzzword.

[00:12:04] If you listen to your body, if you nourish shit well, if you drink water, if you get outside, if you exercise, that goes a long way toward your mental and emotional health and oh, and for God’s sake, don’t forget to have some fun, right? Throw some fun in there too. Just for good measure. But be present with your mind, be present with where your attention is. As you’re making decisions, be aware of what is driving you to make the decisions that you’re making. And if it is your inner voice, getting into fear, worry, and doubt, then that is something that can be shifted. That can be neutralized. You can’t turn the voice off, like a switch. That voice comes from the ego, but you can neutralize the emotion behind it. It’s the emotion that impacts our mental and emotional health. Those are the things that I work with people on all the time.

[00:13:00] I want to invite you, if you are a highly successful professional, if you find that taming, this inter voice is something that’s going to allow you to let go of the fear and the doubt so that you can move forward with clarity and focus, creating that impact, creating the legacy, having the lifestyle that you desire. If, you recognize that taming, that inner voice is a huge part of that, then I would love to have you in my Facebook group. Yes. I know. Social media, whatever. I would love to have you in my Facebook group, because I’m going in and doing weekly live trainings in the Facebook group. I’ve only recently done that, but I am supporting other entrepreneurs who are ready to have that mental and emotional health. They’re ready to let go of that fear. They’re ready to overcome the self doubt. Because it’s those things that keep us from feeling fulfilled in what we do. It’s that inner. That we feel like we’re 95% to this great and wonderful life, but then every, so often something crops up and here we go again and it’s like, Ugh, is it ever gonna end? Well, that’s what I help you with. So anyway, I would love to see you in the Facebook group. I’m gonna put the link to the group in the show notes, it’s called On The Path. The name will be changing soon to what I don’t know yet. I will be inspired and you will be the first to know when I do, but the link is in the show notes. I want you to go join the Facebook group. I’ll give you access to a powerful hypnosis that will allow you to amplify your confidence. And I would just love to see you there. Would love to love up on you, share some amazing resources with you, so you can go out there and just do the damn thing. Do the thing that you’re here to do until next week, bye now.

Find your way over to the Facebook Group! We would love to have you there.

One of my favorite ways to task my subconscious mind for success!

One of my favorite ways to task my subconscious mind for success!

Are you optimizing all of the resources that are available to you to move through an issue? There are some surprising ways that we can get answers to our questions, that we can release things that will allow us to move forward in our life. This one may seem odd to some of you, but I know to a lot of my audience they’re gonna go, oh yeah, absolutely. I do this. Your mind when you are asleep, your conscious mind is offline, your body is resting, but your subconscious mind and your unconscious mind is still at work. Your unconscious mind being the part of you that operates your bodily functions, your immune system, your heart rate, your breathing. It’s also where the reticular activating system is located. And it’s the reticular activating system that will send a signal to wake you up if there’s a bump in the night. It’s… I’ve mentioned it before, it’s like that guard dog with the ear cocked up, always listening. It’s the thing that changes for a mother when she has a baby. When you think, oh my gosh, I’m such a deep sleeper. Will I hear the baby cry? Yes, you’re gonna hear the baby. It’s part instinct and it’s part having that awareness that you now have an infant in the house, and you need to be aware of the cry. You’re literally priming your mind to alert you when you hear a baby’s cry.

[00:02:53] But when we’re sleeping, this is when short term memory can get converted to long term memory. It’s when our body, through neurophysiological responses, can set in motion healing. This is why sleep is so important. You wanna be sure to get enough sleep, but not too much because too little or too much sleep are both detrimental. Maybe I’ll do an episode at one point on sleep. There is no set number of hours that is blanket for everybody. Typically, if I make it through five sleep cycles in a night, I’m good. For most people, a sleep cycle is an hour and 15 minutes to an hour and 30 minutes. That full sleep cycle allows you to get into REM state, where we dream. So your subconscious mind is active when you’re sleeping. It’s converting short term memory to long term memory. If there are pathways that are no longer utilized, no longer needed, it can break those things down. 

[00:04:03] Now, I have to put this in context a little bit, because as hypnotist we often talk about with neuroplasticity, when someone is changing a habit that when you create a new habit, you’re creating a new neural pathway, the old neural pathway doesn’t go away. It’s still there. So take, for example, someone who drank too much. I’m not gonna say alcoholic because that’s at the far end of the spectrum, but say someone drank too much and they didn’t like it. So they quit drinking or someone who smoked and they quit smoking because they didn’t like it. That old neural pathway is still there. It’s not uncommon to hear of someone who stopped a habit and then one day they’re like, you know, I’ll have just one cigarette or I’ll have just one drink and then they’re back to smoking or drinking or, whatever it is, the habit. They fall right back into it. It’s because that neural pathway is still there. 

But when we do things like shift beliefs, and we literally knock out the structure of the old belief. then the subconscious mind is going to process that it’s one of the things that forces our brain into a state of reorganization when we do hypnosis work. When we do subconscious work, that subconscious success coaching, with the conversational hypnosis, is that we are literally rendering those old beliefs to be faults, and once the mind recognizes their faults, those beliefs are no longer needed. 

[00:05:39] So what can you do to optimize sleep to get what you want? Before I go to sleep at night I actually do a self hypnosis. And as a part of that self hypnosis, I might give my subconscious mind a command such as, ‘find any beliefs that are preventing me from achieving blank and delete them. Search and delete.’ Or, ‘tonight, reprogram my subconscious mind to feel safe earning X number of dollars.’ So if you’re someone who grew up, in a very modest household, maybe middle class, but you always heard your parents talk about people who had money were, you know, they were crooked, they couldn’t be trusted, they were selfish. And while you know that there are a lot of great people with a lot of money who are doing wonderful things, they fly under the radar. They’re making an impact in other people’s lives more so than they are their own. You know this, you believe this, you believe that you’re worthy of it on the surface level, but deep, deep, deep down, you always heard these stories. So you can tell your subconscious mind before you go to sleep, ‘subconscious mind in my sleep tonight, I want you to rewrite this story, that wealthy people are good people, that good people with wealth do great things.’ And you can just do that every night. 

[00:07:24] Now let’s take this a step further. This is where I love to play. This is an absolute playground and that is dream time. Now there are gonna be people say, oh, I never dream. Unless you have certain diagnosed sleep issues, you do dream. We just don’t remember. So many times we don’t remember and some medications can keep people from dreaming, but for the most part, we all dream, ee just don’t remember. So the first step in this whole process is when you lay down to go to bed at night, you tell your subconscious, remember my dreams and bring me the information in a way I can understand. Then you can tell your subconscious mind “sub I want you to go into dream time and bring me the lessons that allow me to release beliefs around money that no longer serve me.’ And then just go to sleep. Now, here’s the thing. When you ask your subconscious mind to do this work in dream time, the answer does not always come in your dreams. The answer may come the next day, or it may come in a few days. Just suddenly you get a sign, you see something, you hear something. And instantly you’re like, ah, that’s the answer. Your subconscious mind has been working on that. 

[00:08:55] When I wrote my number one international best seller “Breaking the Fibro Code”, just before that book went to the editor, I made an entire change in the people who I serve. But at the time I wrote the book, I was planning to work with people with fibromyalgia, and the morning the book was to go off to the editor I rewrote the entire introduction. And what I had been dealing with was I was bridging this gap between meeting the reader where they were and not offending the medical community, because if you’re offending the medical community, they’re not going to share the book and the book would be beneficial to people. And I realized at a late moment, I’m like, ‘you know what? My tone is in the tone of the client. Who’s going to read the book, but the tone is not going to resonate with the practitioner who is going to feel, yes, this is gonna be beneficial. So how do I bridge this gap and meet the reader where they are? But at the same time express the challenges that face medical providers without casting a bad light on medical providers, because there are a great deal of healthcare workers out there who show up every day and give all of their heart.’ So what did I do? I went into dream time. I’m like, bring me the introduction to this book, because I just didn’t feel like I could send it off. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and I’m laying there in bed, and all of a sudden, just a whole flood of information came to me. I didn’t pass go. I didn’t stop. I didn’t pass go. I went straight to my computer. Didn’t even get dressed and I sat down and I wrote 3000 words in under an hour. My husband got up to go to work and he could hear me back there, pecking away. And he came in to see what I was doing. I literally put my hand in his face because if I so much as broke my state for one minute to answer his question, I was going to lose it all. I knew it because many, many times I get important information to share with my audience, to share with my clients. Whether it’s social media podcast episode in a one on one. I wake up anywhere between three and five in the morning. Sometimes it’s early as two. And as I’m laying there, just chilling out, I don’t stress about waking up because I know that’s my air fingers, quote, “witching hour”. When that information comes I know I have to act on it in some way.

[00:11:47] Now, sometimes the information’s not immediately meant to be shared, so I put it into my notes app on my phone so I can share it at a later date. And that’s how I roll with that. So use your dream time, tell your sub, bring me the lesson in a way that I can understand it. Remember and bring me the lesson in a way that I can understand it, and then tell your subconscious mind what you want it to do. Go into dream time and help me to understand how I can solve this issue or how I can connect with this person? Or what are the next steps in my business? How do I pivot moving forward? And that’s it. That’s the episode for today. I love, love, love, dream time. Sometimes it’s a bunch of metaphors. It makes no sense. Sometimes it makes perfect sense. Sometimes it sends me in a direction to research something, something will come up and I’m like, well, what does this mean? And then I begin researching what came up and I find my answer there. And then, sometimes it’s just ordinary dreams. My brain is rehashing some things that it’s discarding from the past. And it’s just like a slideshow of things from the past that really don’t mean anything. And I’ve put zero meaning on it. because of that. There are some great books out there on dream time. This is what I will tell you when it comes to dream interpretation. If you’re looking for someone to help you interpret your dreams, the best person in the world to interpret your dreams is you because only, you know, what you were feeling and thinking and the dream and the context of everything in the dream. But I will tell you this, pay attention to numbers, pay attention to animals, pay attention to symbols because those things, when you go and you research the meaning of those things, as it pertains to dreams, you can sometimes find your answers there. It’s just plain as the nose on your face, as my grandmother would say anyway. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will be back next week.

Unexpected benefits of addressing your inner critic subconsciously

Unexpected benefits of addressing your inner critic subconsciously

Hey everybody, we are going a different direction today. Welcome back. I’m excited that you are here. Today, I wanna talk about the surprise benefits of doing the deep subconscious work, because there are surprises that people get. Unexpected things can happen, so I wanna share with you some of the wins that my clients have gotten in my group program, as well as one on one work. Because what I have found is that in my group program, people get so much added benefit out of that because things that they never considered are brought up by other participants, you know. Questions, insights, life experiences, and light bulbs just pop off all the time in the group program. It’s a 10 week program. It’s actually, as this episode is released, we’re about three weeks into it. It will, be the first of the year when I run it again. So you want to be on my email list so that you know when that rolls out or you can just message me on social media and let me know that you want to be in the group program when that rolls out. But here let’s just let’s roll with this. 

[00:02:32] So one of the unexpected benefits that my clients get is they truly truly cannot grasp what it means to be neutral about their past until it happens, and what that literally means for their life. So take one client, for example, came to me for stress and tension in her neck. She always had tight muscles in her neck and she wanted to take care of that. She felt it was emotional in nature. Now, when she and I connected, she had not shared with me that from time to time, she would have what felt like a panic attack. Now she wasn’t diagnosed with these, but she would just “get triggered” by something and hyperventilate and feel overwhelmed. So we do this work because, if you’ve ever read Dr. John Sarno’s book, “Mind Body RX”, then you will know that he says that chronic discomfort in the body is caused by repressed rage. We did this work together and once we went through a process of forgiveness, there was peace. This is the one thing that surprises all of my clients. They truly had never in their life experienced true peace. Now, what was the unexpected benefit of doing that work? Because there was a component of everything that involved this individual’s father. As a full grown adult, there was fear and trepidation around even visiting her father because of everything that had happened and the expectations around the current behavior that was happening. After we did this work, she was able to spend time with him, accepting him for who he was with no expectations and to be at peace completely free of fear, free of any resentment, any frustration. And, shortly afterwards, there were some changes in his health and she was able to be present with him to be at peace with their relationship to reconcile that relationship. And when he transitioned, she had closure. She had closure.

[00:05:18] Another unexpected benefit, if you’ve listened to the podcast, if I think it’s episode 11, it might be 10, it’s the interview with Justina, and she talks about how her son after we did the work for the first time, jumped up into her arms, hugged her and said, I love you. He was never, an affectionate; I shouldn’t say never affectionate, but he, he was not a touch affectionate child. Her hugs were not how he connected with her. And when she let go of what she was dealing with, he, I mean, we did another interview back in February and he just, he loves on her all the time. Put a price on that for me. Because I know so many entrepreneurs and business owners and business leaders who do what they do, because they are determined to break the generational pattern of what they grew up in. Whether it was poverty, a stressed household, financial insecurity, whatever those things were, and then you get into this cycle of being so dedicated to your business the one thing that you, wanted to do was be able to be present with your children and now, you don’t know how to do that because you feel guilty when you’re not in the business. You feel guilty when you’re with your kids, because you’re thinking about the business, those kinds of things. So yeah. 

[00:06:50] I’ve had clients unexpectedly lose 10 to 15 pounds, no dieting, no suggestions for weight loss, but when they drop the weight of the emotion and the beliefs that they were carrying around, the weight fell off. So let me see, what’s another unexpected one. I’m going off a memory here. So you have to bear with me just a little bit because a lot of these things overlap. Another person, I think I mentioned it in a recent episode, we we’re dealing with people pleasing, right? People pleasing. Oh, my gosh. Talk about a complete pivot in change in life. This person is now traveling the world, running a business that they love. An independent location business, and is no longer in corporate. And when you. See the photos, like the social media post you can see the change in the face. That’s another thing. Oh my gosh. I have worked with clients where we do a session; at the beginning of the session, I’m just gonna toss some numbers out here to give you an example. At the beginning of the session, let’s say they’re 40 years old at the beginning of the session they’re tense, they’re stressed, they’re carrying the weight of all this emotion. They look. 50 55 years old because they’re all of this stuff just on the inside it’s just putting so much weight on ’em. And at the end of the session, they can look 30, 35 years old. They literally gain back years of their life in a single session. Now, can I predict when that’s gonna happen? No, but it’s just one of those beautiful, unexpected things. 

[00:08:42] People have come to work on something to do with business and find that their marriage just, it rekindles. Something shifts, something changes, and things just start to fall into place. These are things that you can’t necessarily put a finger on. You can’t put a price on them. And they’re super, super impactful. One of my recent clients was just in this real head space. She has a great high ticket offer, but she would get in her head from month to month. You know, this client’s rolling off. I gotta get another new client in. How did… So we, worked through the things that were connected to these thoughts, and feelings. I use conversational hypnosis a lot. And when I say conversational hypnosis, I’m not talking Ericsonian metaphors and stories and those kinds of things I’m talking about triggering the subconscious mind and pushing the subconscious to solve its own problem. In a sense, what I’m doing in the session is, I’m guiding the client a much better way to think in terms of problem solving so that they can unravel their own knots. I’m just kind of like pushing and guiding them there. So the things that were coming up in these sessions ended up not having anything to do with money, but, let me tell you the things that have shifted and unfolded and unlocked for her are unbelievable. People that she has known for years, now all of a sudden it’s like, oh, what are you up to? I love what you’re doing. Let’s see how we can partner together. How can we work together? How can I take what you’re doing and bringing it in, and she is signing clients effortlessly on a monthly retainer at 50% higher than what she was when we were working together. It was just that simple. And she is in this extremely rewarding trusting, allowing, letting it be an easy place.

[00:11:10] So anyway, if that sounds like something you want, hit me up, let me know. You can get on the email list by going to Pennychiasson.com and signing up for the mindset myth, sign up for the mindset myth. That will get you on my email list. And I will let you know when the next workshop is rolling out in January. I can’t wait to see what unfolds with this group of highly successful people, because I was blown away with what happened in spring. Each group tends to be unique and aligned in its own way, and I just really look forward to being able to share with you some of the takeaways that people have to give you more examples of what’s possible when you simply tame your inner dialogue. When you take care of what it is that’s creating this voice that causes you to feel less confident than you should be. Let’s work on it. Because you’re here to make an impact. And if you’re allowing your subconscious thinking to hold you back, you’re not stepping into the full potential of the service that you could be offering the world. And I’m here for it, man. I am here for you, and ladies. I use man colloquially. But anyway, I guess that’s showing my age and the time that I grew up in and, there’s always areas for us to work and improve. I’ll see you next week.

If you want to listen more to Justina’s initial transformation, listen to her first guest episodes here. To learn more about how our hypnosis work affected long her business and relationships in the long term, give this episode a listen.

Master your emotions or they will master you

Master your emotions or they will master you

[00:00:00] Penny: We’re gonna talk about something a little unsexy today, but it is something that is going to make a difference in your life. We’re gonna talk about emotions because I’m seeing some things in the online coaching space, whether it’s in groups. In short form content that I’m seeing of people that I follow, that I find detrimental

[00:00:30] our emotions are good period. In the story. Our emotions are good. People often talk about their north star, their why in. Part of that is emotion driven. Your emotions are a compass to leading a fulfilling and satisfying life. If you want to have a [00:01:00] self actual lies life, if you want to live in authenticity, then you have to become a master of your emotions.

[00:01:10] And when I say a master of your emotions, I’m not talking about controlling your outward appearance, as opposed to the way you feel on inside. I’m not talking about pushing things down and managing them. Though mastery of emotions is about managing, but it’s not about managing in a way that you are exerting control so that you are not reacting.

[00:01:38] If you find that you have to control yourself so that you are not reacting, then you are not responding to your emotions correctly, and it’s not your fault. It’s not like our parents were giving owners manuals to teach us how to help us to satisfy our emotions, [00:02:00] to help us through those moments of understanding what we’re feeling, how our circumstances and our thoughts contribute to that, so that we can just satisfied in the moment and move on and leave that moment behind us feeling completely.

[00:02:18] Neutral about it because when you have satisfied your emotions appropriately, when you look back to the past, you can be neutral about it. If it’s something that was unpleasant, you maintain what you maintained the insight. You grow from it, but it’s no longer eating at you inside now with happy emotions through desire.

[00:02:49] When we look back on memories through desire, we can tap back into that joy, the happiness, the love, the excitement, whatever it was that we were feeling.[00:03:00] We typically don’t tune into unpleasant emotions. By choice. Unless when we start thinking about something, we choose to allow ourselves to ruminate on it.

[00:03:13] Then we can, bring things back again. But if some aspect of the past, a memory of thought about something unpleasant, if it just pops into your mind, it should not trigger anger. It should not trigger things that make you feel down depressed. Grief being an exception. And I’m gonna talk about grief.

[00:03:36] This is actually going to be a long episode. It’s going to be an episode that you are going to come back and listen to again and again, I should actually charge what I’m sharing with you in this episode, because if you take it and you implement it and you use it, it will change your [00:04:00] life. I’m going to use anger as an example, because anger is a very misunderstood emotion.

[00:04:07] We think it’s bad. 

[00:04:09] We have been conditioned in society that it’s not an acceptable emotion motion that we shouldn’t feel this. The first thing I’m gonna hit on here is gratitude. Bypassing it’s. When we take a situation that was unfair, that angered us where we were wronged and we can see the silver lining, whether it was an opportunity for personal growth.

[00:04:38] We. Changed direction in our life. And it resulted in us having a much better life. Maybe we learned to be a better parent because of what happened. Maybe we learned to be a better partner, a better business person. If you’re feeling that anger and you say, you know what? I just need to [00:05:00] be grateful that.

[00:05:02] And I don’t care how you feel in the blank. If you are doing that, you are gratitude by passing. You are not dealing with the anger and that anger will come back and it will bite you in the ass. If it doesn’t bite you in the ass, in your relationships, if it doesn’t bite you in the ass, in your. decisions.

[00:05:21] If it doesn’t bite you in the ass, in your emotional and mental health, it will bite you in the ass. In your physical health anger. It has been shown in studies. Anger is more deadly than a type, a personality.

[00:05:39] I might circle back later and throw in an example. I don’t wanna get off track here, but gratitude bypassing. If you were using your silver lining to condition yourself that it’s inappropriate for you to feel anger or to push that emotion down, please stop doing that. Instead, I want you to ask [00:06:00] yourself what about this was unfair and that’s gonna tell you the next steps to take.

[00:06:06] What about this was unfair when you understand what about it was unfair? Ask yourself two questions. Number one. Is can I make fair? Making fair means going to the other person who was involved perhaps and having a conversation in letting them know how this event in the past made you feel. even if your present day self.

[00:06:31] This is a scenario. It’s not gonna be true for everyone. If your present day self can see that the person who hurt you simply didn’t know better, that they’re incapable of understanding. I don’t care that your conscious present day self says that. And part of you may be going, oh, well, I shouldn’t hurt them.

[00:06:50] They never actually meant to do it. Mm. Go have that conversation. You can do it from a place of peace and say, [00:07:00] you know what? I’m just looking to move on. I, don’t currently Harbor any ill feelings, but I want to just be able to clear this off my plate. and move on from it and start fresh and have a conversation.

[00:07:14] If you can have that conversation without being attached to them saying, I’m sorry. Do that, if you go into it being attached to them saying, I’m sorry, then, it can just end up fueling that anger. The goal of the process is to gain some insight from this person, because as you talk about what hurt you more than likely you’re going to become emotional.

[00:07:42] And when you become emotional, your subconscious is activated. And if you can have that conversation and get that insight, 

[00:07:48] it can literally knock the leg right out from under that table. So something to consider there, if it is a situation [00:08:00] where this person, so totally hasn’t changed and you are aware that if I address this, it is going to turn into a huge, ugly mess. It’s not anything I want to bring into my life. Then there’s a process of forgiveness to consider.

[00:08:17] And in forgiveness, you want to allow this insight to occur in your forgiveness process. And this is just for you. They know nothing about it. You’re never gonna tell them about it. You would never give them the benefit of knowing that you have given yourself this gift, because they’re gonna twist it around and they’re gonna, they’re gonna ma make it about them.

[00:08:41] Right? One of the ways that I recommend to people who aren’t doing one on one, work with me. To go through this forgiveness process is to do a journaling process. Like a lot of people write the letter, they burn it and all of these things, but there is no insight [00:09:00] in that process unless you’ve worked with a counselor, a therapist, and they’ve given you advanced journaling techniques.

[00:09:08] So what I tell people to do is to imagine you’re having the conversation with this. and you pour it all out. One paper you want to use pen and paper or pencil and paper do not type it. Do not use your iPad. You want the, stimulation that comes from the energy that you expend physically to write this out and you’re just gonna dig into.

[00:09:37] You hurt me when you made me think you made me feel and just begin to pour that emotion out. If you allow yourself to tap into that emotion, what is going to happen is randomly things that you totally forgot about. Totally forgot about. At the time when it happened was really a [00:10:00] thorn in your side, these things are gonna come up and you pour that emotion out and then allow yourself to sit and ponder what happened in this person’s life that this whole thing transpired, because somewhere along the way, We picked up misperceptions.

[00:10:25] We had interpretations that what this person did was about us and in the coaching industry, if you’re familiar with anything, you’re familiar with the concept that, what comes out of someone has everything to do with them. And it’s not about us. I don’t care if your father was an abusive asshole.

[00:10:49] When he was abusing, it had nothing to do with you. However, when we are younger, when we don’t have a [00:11:00] lifetime of context and experience and understanding to know these things, our subconscious mind, and an attempt to rationalize and to find a way to protect us and to safeguard us starts making assumptions.

[00:11:15] It’s trying to define what’s happening because it wants to protect us. Sometimes it makes the wrong assumption. Not because we did anything bad or wrong, but because we didn’t have enough information. How many times, if you tried to solve a problem, when there was not enough information as an adult, you can go, you know what?

[00:11:36] I don’t have enough information when we are younger childhood adolescents, we cannot do that. Okay. So clearly if we had a father who was an abusive asshole, maybe he drank too much. Maybe he ran around on mom. Maybe he could never keep a job who knows. It doesn’t matter. Something [00:12:00] happened that triggered all of that because nobody wants.

[00:12:07] To be that person. Nobody, when they’re five years old, thinks to themselves, I want to grow up and be a horrible person. If you can allow yourself that insight while you’re in this emotional state. And then you say, you know what, it’s time to let this go. And then begin journaling with the words I

[00:12:29] forgive you because I’m worthy. Of the freedom that forgiveness is gonna give me. I forgive you because yeah, you just simply didn’t know any better and I’m no longer gonna leak my personal power over it. And you keep going with the, I forgive you because you just keep putting ending on it after ending on it, after ending on it until you have poured everything outta your soul, and then just let it be done at that point.

[00:12:56] If you wanna burn it by all means burn.[00:13:00] But know this. If you have a pattern with a person where they just repeatedly over and over, things just kept happening, there might be a part of you that has connected with your, present day anger. As being a protective mechanism, sometimes our subconscious mind won’t reveal everything that we need to let go, and it will hold onto some of those nuggets.

[00:13:32] So what will happen is your anger will be greatly minimized, but it, won’t be gone. That’s where having the benefit. A professional like myself who is well versed in emotions and the patterns and the beliefs and the protective mechanisms that the brain puts in place that will allow you to move forward from this point, because we can see here and [00:14:00] recognize the patterns.

[00:14:02] and the subconscious moments that reveal, oh, there’s something else there. Basically, even in hypnosis, you can have blind spots and a great hypnotist will reveal those blind spots so that you can move past them, shine the light and let it go. But this is a great way to take care of. When I work with clients, here are some things I want you to know about anger specifically.

[00:14:37] One is that in women, a lot of times we identify our anger as sadness because when we were much younger, we were taught. Little girls shouldn’t be angry. It’s not nice to be angry. It doesn’t look pretty. It doesn’t look nice. And this is gonna depend on your age as to whether or not you heard those terms.

[00:14:57] Growing up in the deep south in [00:15:00] the seventies, a phrase I often heard was pretty is, is pretty does, and that meant don’t be angry. Be seen, not heard. . It matters what other people think. There are a lot of things that get rolled into that one. Right? So a lot of times as women, we think we feel sad when we’re really angry because sad is an acceptable emotion.

[00:15:27] ? Sad is acceptable for. A lot of men, you’re taught that you have to manage that anger. You have to stuff it down. You can’t let, ’em see you be weak. You have to manage it. When I hear someone say that they have to manage their anger, I know that what they have to do is set themselves free from something in the past, because there was some moment where something triggered.

[00:15:55] The mechanism that this is unfair and anger is the [00:16:00] fight in fight or flight. Your brain is not willingly going to let go of old anger. If it believes it’s protecting you. It’s a process. And here’s what I can tell you is that you can be free of it. This is one of the most rewarding aspects of the work that I do.

[00:16:21] And it is the one thing that changed my personal life because I had anger. I was using that silver lining. I was gratitude. Bypassing. I have experience with this. I know exactly what it looks like when I see it. I was gratitude, bypass it like crazy and did not realize that anger was eating me up alive until my emotional health hit the wall 80 miles an hour.

[00:16:52] There’s a whole podcast episode on that, sometimes that anger is at ourselves and that’s okay [00:17:00] too. There’s a way to resolve that as well. But in your day to day life, as you’re going through your day and something is unfair and it makes you angry. The first thing you do is say, okay, what’s causing me to feel angry and maybe Bob didn’t reply to your email.

[00:17:19] You wanted to reply within 24 hours and Bob has not replied to your email and you’re instantly angry. Well, is that really unfair? Do you have enough information, . So you might spike off with that anger and you’re like, you know what? I sent that on Monday morning and it’s really not fair because.

[00:17:41] Bob is a project manager. He probably came in and had a hundred emails in his inbox. Right. Maybe he just didn’t get to it yet. So should I really be angry? No. Let me send a follow up email. Boom. Anger is satisfied. Now take that same [00:18:00] scenario, And. you’re like, okay, let me send a follow up email.

[00:18:05] Then Bob emails you back. And Bob says, you know what? I think that this really isn’t a priority. So I just put it in my procrastinate folder. I’ll get to it next week. Well, I think most reasonable people would’ve emailed back and said, you know, this isn’t a priority for me right now. Do you really have to have a, like, there would’ve been some kind of communication, right?

[00:18:30] Well, that is unfair, right? It’s a little unfair that he just tabled it without communication. So how do you satisfy that? I would go straight to Bob and say, you know what? Let’s work on our communication. I can understand it’s not a priority for you. However, I was expecting an answer today. If you had let me know yesterday, It’s not a priority for you.

[00:18:55] I could have adjusted accordingly. So what can we [00:19:00] do? So this does not happen again because this has inconvenienced me in X, Y, Z way. And how do we move forward? Now if Bob’s a real jerk, something else may ensue after that. But that’s the way you address that in a healthy way. It should satisfy the anger.

[00:19:21] If you address the person and you come to a satisfactory resolution. this podcast isn’t about, conflict management, but I think you get the idea of what I’m. If you found out that it was an oversight with Bob. Say it was an oversight and you were seething and you were stewing over it and you’re thinking, God, this happened again.

[00:19:46] This always happens. Why do these things keep happening to me? Ho, ho ho. What you’re feeling is you’re triggered in the present moment. , but there is stuff that you need to let go that you are [00:20:00] still caring with you. That’s a sign. If you have an interaction with someone and you find in that interaction, that the enormity of your emotions exceeds the situation that you’re in, that you are overreacting, that you were triggered, that you reacted, you didn’t respond, there’s work to do there.

[00:20:20] That does not have to happen. Can be free of that. If you’re experiencing sadness, what have you lost? If you’re feeling guilt, what have you done that you need to make fair about? Sometimes when we feel guilty, feeling that we’ve done something wrong, sometimes come to find out the other person didn’t perceive it that way at all.

[00:20:44] We’re judging ourselves through our own lens. are fear, like worry, nervousness, having these repeating thoughts of irrational fears, ask yourself what is there for me to be afraid of. If there’s [00:21:00] nothing for you to be afraid of begin to retrain your mind. This is simply your thoughts running outta control.

[00:21:06] Learn to manage your thoughts. Stop your thoughts. Sometimes we feel like we have to hold onto fear. We can look back and we can see something that we were afraid in the moment.

[00:21:20] And we hold onto that fear. It’s like, it becomes a part of our identity. Well, if you wanna move forward and be happy and successful and fulfilled, you have to let that go. You have to reframe that. And that has to take place subconscious. If you’re holding onto that as part of your identity, that is where the subconscious work comes in.

[00:21:43] We can afraid that we’re not gonna be good enough that we’re not gonna be smart enough that people may find that we’re a fraud in business because we don’t give ourselves as much credit for being as good as other people see that we are. We’ve made . A decision in business in the [00:22:00] past where it ended up in a really bad business deal.

[00:22:03] And that business deal emotionally shook us so bad that now every decision we make is through the lens of what if, what if, what if I screw this up again? How do I avoid getting in another business deal like that? See when our brain puts emotional importance on. So. It’s gonna hold onto it. There are a lot of subconscious techniques. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with affirmations. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with scripting. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with generic hypnosis audios. Those things are all great until we hit the level of the protective mechanism and without a guide to facilitate you through the release of those things.

[00:22:49] Our mind it’s it’s, it’s gonna hold on to what it deems important. And if you wanna set yourself free so that you can unlock your full [00:23:00] potential and move forward, you have to tame that inner dialogue and our inner dialogue triggers, emotions, emotions trigger further internal dialogue. And this is where the spiral comes in.

[00:23:13] And when we hit a spiral, a lot of things can happen. We can throw ourselves into our work. We can throw ourselves into exercise. We can throw ourselves into gambling. We can throw ourselves into drinking. We can throw ourselves into overeating. It can look like a lot of different things, right. So if you’re distracting away from your feelings, I encourage you to reflect on everything that I’ve shared in this episode.

[00:23:42] Listen to it again and again, because each time you listen, I guarantee you will have further revelations about yourself, about the way you think about the way you react, whether it’s in business or your personal life, and allow these things to begin to [00:24:00] unravel. if you were someone who has been in the work, if you’ve worked with coaches, If you’ve worked with therapists and you feel like you are 80 to 90% of the way there, but there is just this little thing.

[00:24:16] There’s one little thing that you can’t seem to put your finger on that you feel like if that one little thing moved and shifted that it would unlock a whole new world for you. I want you to reach out. We are gonna put the link in the show notes. I want you to apply for a call with me and let’s see if there is something that I can do to help you to unlock this and shift it.

[00:24:42] And that if we’re a fit to work together, you do not need to be ruled. By your emotions, your emotions are important. Your emotions are good. They’re telling you how to fulfill yourself. They’re letting you [00:25:00] know when you are out of alignment with what it is that you need.

[00:25:05] The problem comes in when we don’t know how to properly manage them in the moment. And when we have a backpack full of rocks. From the past that we carry around us every day. If you wanna put down that backpack full of rocks and get on your way, click the link, fill out the application. I always have some availability, even though it’s limited, just reach out.

[00:25:32] Let’s see how we can work together. Have a great week.

Listen to Episode 21 here!

Want to work with me to start the work at managing your emotions, sign up for a call here.

What does it take to really be happy?

What does it take to really be happy?

What is the secret to happiness and to joy in life? Is this a question that you’ve ever asked yourself? Maybe you tell yourself you don’t know what happiness is and you’ve really wondered what life is all about. What’s the point. When we come into this world, we forget everything that we knew before we got here. Yes. I’m talking about encarnation. Yes, I am talking about our soul. Yes, I am talking about spirituality.

We’ve all been in this rodeo more than once. And we forget when we come into this life, what it was that we knew before, but we all come in with something that is unique to us and no one else. For those of you who don’t know, I apprentice with an indigenous shaman. He was brought up by shamans in Mexico. And what he shared with me is that the one thing that we all have that no one can ever take from us is our authenticity. It’s the uniqueness of who we are. And it’s part of our lesson in this lifetime to remember who we are. One of the ways that we remember who we are is to get out of our normal every day, 3D thinking. In other words, we have to get out of our head.

[00:02:55] I never knew that I was going to be on this path when I first learned about hypnosis. And when I reopened my hypnosis practice in 2018, I certainly never dreamed my journey would take me to where I am now. Part of the lesson in remembering our authenticity is to follow the bread crumbs that life is giving us. We follow the bread crumbs of what feels good. Sometimes we can have an experience where we just know something is right. We can’t put our finger on it. That is a part of us that is remembering who we are, and it’s bringing us that wisdom to know yes, go that way or no, don’t go that way. People call it their intuition. They call it their gut. Has there ever been a time where your instincts, your intuition said go left and you’re like, nah, you know, that sounds good, and that feels good. However, I’ve been told I should go right. And you went right. And you ended up in a place where you were either in a job that you hated or you chose to go to college for something, when all you ever wanted to do was to be a writer or to create art or to start your own business. And then someday you’re looking back and you’re like, Jesus. I like wasted this whole hunk of my life. It’s because we didn’t learn our lesson when we remembered.

[00:04:42] So each and every choice that we make takes us on our path and it guides us in a direction. Now here’s the thing. Do we need to beat ourselves up when we look back and go, damn, I didn’t get it. Like I wasted all this time. No. Be in the present moment because when we start looking back and we have our shoulda, woulda, coulda, we’re living in the past. When we’re living in the past, we are unable to move towards our future. So how do we clear those things out? it’s interesting that Don Javier, he is the shaman that I work with, t’s interesting that he used an analogy that is identical to the analogy that I learned in hypnosis, except the application is slightly different, but the same, and that is of a hard drive. We all come in with our basic system and when we’re born, like, I, use this with clients for a long time before he taught me this from a different perspective. From the time we are born, we are programmed. Our basic operating system is our needs that need to be met. We’re seeking love. We’re seeking safety, food, water, sex. Those are our basics, right? That’s the operating system. We come with everything else that comes to us is programming that the world put into our head. It is programming that we were given by our parents, by our environment, and our perceptions and interpretations of it.

[00:06:31] I’m gonna drop a serious truth on you in this. You might hear this and you might be like, you know what? I’m not listening to this anymore. And that’s okay, because this is, this is a time where a lot of things are changing in our world and there’s room only for the truth. The truth is that 100% of everything that we believe. And that includes me 100% of everything we believe is biased, and it’s not truth. I want you to think about that. It’s biased and it’s not truth. So we have all this programming that comes in. It influences the way we think, it influences the way we believe, it influences what we choose for ourselves. We’re choosing based upon what someone else put in our head. And there are things that we observe that we learn. There are things that sink in that we have no conscious awareness of. It happens all the time that later in life, it influences our decisions, our choices, it influences how we feel. So our job is to take our life experiences, and when we notice that we’re being triggered, a trigger is a sign that there’s something inside of us that we need to address because a trigger is based on a past experience. When we react, we’re reacting because the subconscious mind is taking over because of past experience. When we respond we’re in the present moment. So the first thing he told me is you have to clear out the programming that doesn’t serve you. You have to clear out the programming that doesn’t serve you. Then on a day to day basis, the things that happen, these things fill up our RAM. So think about, you know, you go to the office, there’s gossip going down at the office or someone didn’t do their end on a project, or maybe somebody’s cheating on somebody, whatever it may be, the 3d stuff that happens. Right. All of these thoughts are being processed mentally and emotionally, even if they have nothing to do with us. It’s one of the reasons why I do not watch the news anymore. Periodically I will check in the snippets and as soon as I check into it, I’m like, you know what? I’m checking out because I can choose to allow the news to influence how I decide for my life or I can just be me and decide for my life.

[00:09:03] So when these things come into my mind, I have to work, I shouldn’t say work, I have to stay in the practice every single day of clearing this stuff outta my mind, because if we just kind of do a one time clean up, and we don’t clean up again, then the garbage is gonna pile up. So imagine a college dorm room where the kids all go, they clean up, they empty out all the trash and then they never had to empty the trash again, just say they only had to do it once a year. Well, at the end of the year, the garbage is gonna be piled pretty high. It’s gonna be a stinky, smelly dorm, not a very pleasant place to be. The same thing happens with our thoughts. If we’re not doing the practices that clear our thoughts, that clear our mind, that set us free from living according to the news, or the gossip, or what other people are constantly in our ear telling us we should do, we shouldn’t do, what we should think, and how we should feel, and all of those things, then we’re not gonna be able to make a choice for us. We’re not going to be able to connect with our authenticity because our mind is gonna be like a little hamster on a wheel.

[00:10:19] It’s going to be constantly ruminating and processing these things, and we don’t want that. Where we want to live is in a place where we can be present every day. And this is truly what mindfulness is, is that when you’re going through a task, whether you’re working on programming on your computer or your designing something, you’re in a meeting with someone you’re preparing to have a conversation, an interview, whatever it might be. You want to be present in that moment instead of going through the motions, because for so many of us, the jobs that we do, or at least I used to do not now, but when I was in anesthesia, my job was so routine that I didn’t have to think anymore. Like there are certain steps that they are just always, always the same. And when we get in the process of going through the steps mindlessly, that’s when we make mistakes, that’s when we miss something that’s important because we’re moving through it, mindlessly. There’s actually a study in anesthesia on mindfulness in anesthesia, instead of getting caught up in that rut and just following that rut and not being mindful with each and every choice that was made in giving an anesthetic.

[00:11:57] So the same thing is true in our life. We need to be mindful. In everything that we do and something that is interesting, and I’m always wrapping my mind around it and reminding myself, as we remember things, we realize that we, know things. As we remember things, we realize that we know things and we don’t understand how we know them. However, when you have truly remembered who you are and understand, and I’m still learning this lesson, you realize you know nothing. And when you come to the point that you realize you know nothing, then you’re truly in your being. And that’s really something to wrap your mind around. And I always will laugh at myself because sometimes, I’ll be doing something and someone will say something and I want to come back with the right answer. And I just kind of have to laugh and stop myself and say, you know what? You know, nothing. You know, nothing. Am I perfect? No. Am I a work in progress? Yes, absolutely. But if you’re looking for happiness, it comes down to remembering who you are because as you clear out all the head trash, and you can quiet in your mind, and you can just really observe and be mindful of where you are, you get back in touch with your intuition, you get back in touch with your knowing and with your knowing, your knowing will guide you. As you’re asking yourself, when you make decisions, does this bring me joy? Does this move me closer to happiness? Does this move me closer to what I’m here to do? And if you’re don’t know what you’re here to do, that’s okay. I think most of us start out that way. Probably all of us start out that way.

[00:14:42] And we all find out as we learn our lessons in our own time. But when you allow yourself to just be curious and to follow that intuition, to follow that knowing, and to make choices based on that, then you will reconnect with that part of yourself. Not that you were ever disconnected, but it feels. disconnected. So that’s my piece on really digging in to find that happiness. We have to remember who we are and to know that there is purpose to our life, that we are learning lessons along the way. And it’s about being in the present moment and moving forward, not looking back because it just simply does not serve us.

I’ll catch you next week.

Thanks for tuning in today! I’d love it if you could head over to Apple Podcasts and leave a positive review, so we can reach even more people, so they can change their lives. That positive energy of sharing comes back to you as we spread this message.